So I was talking to one of the few people that I openly admit my obsession of this to (until now), and he said that he thought college was free in Canada, and I was all “OMG LYKE NO”. So here I am.

And the answer is no it is not free. It’s just a rumor. The rumor is based off of the other theory that “the cost of living is higher in Canada” so supposedly that pays for college. I got to this conclusion by scouring forums because it’s a really hard direct answer to find on Google, so the only people to ask are the Canadians.

But that’d make this entry a little short, so here’s a little more:

According to this site, Canada’s public postsecondary education institutions obtain most of their funding from their province or territory, although some federal support is provided. Other funding is obtained through tuition fees; research grants; contracts with business and industry; government research contracts; investments; and donations.

Also, I titled this entry wrong (sort of). In Canada, College is a 2-year school, and University is a 4-year school.

Anyhow, I was thinking.. how can you tell if you’re getting the right dog or not? I guess most people go on instinct, after all that’s how I chose my cat, and despite my previous post on her super snobby ways, she’s still better trained than any other cat I’ve met.

But alas, there is apparently a few ways to tell which dog will fit your own mannerisms that I found on a Bulldog information website, but it applied cross-breed.

BulldogInformation.com has a great article with 5 good tests to perform when meeting your prospective mate. I almost don’t want to link because they’re such snobby bastards that they disabled any type of copying, including source code. How anal.

Boy Dog, or Girl Dog?

CanisMajor.com says you should “first, decide whether a male or female suits you best. Females tend to be smaller than males, to wander less, and to be less dominant. Whichever you choose, determine that, unless you are buying a breeding animal, your pet will be spayed or neutered at six months of age. Spayed females cannot get pregnant, so there’ll be no accidental litters. They also cannot get mammary or uterine cancer or pyometra, an infection of the uterus.

Castration reduces the male’s tendency to wander in search of females in heat, his need to mark every corner of his territory, and his penchant for aggression and dominance. It also eliminates the chances of testicular cancer.”

Give Your Potential New Friend the Puppy Personality Test

UncleMatty.com says that there are “Six Basic Personality Types“:

1. Responsive – this dog wants to be a people-pleaser. He is eager to learn and is a quick study. Handle him in a normal manner and be very generous with your praise. Leash, voice and corrections can be vigorous but don’t overdo it – no more than necessary. This is still a puppy.
2. High Energy – can be challenging because this dog is easily distracted and very excitable. You need to muster up extra patience while being firm and determined when you handle him. Subdue the praise so you won’t over-excite this little one and have to start all over again.
3. Strong-Willed – or should we say “this dog has a mind of his own” and can be resistant to teaching? You must exercise patience and be persistent in the process. Eventually he will “get it.” In the meantime, be firm and somewhat assertive and loud with your voice. Most important – lavish on the praise when this doggy does what you want him to do.
4. Shy and Insecure – this timid little one needs sensitivity and kind patience. He may be timid or fear-ridden; afraid of noises and sudden movements. Strange people, strange places and new situations are troublesome. Use a soft tone of voice and use a leash but no leash corrections or shake cans. Love, affection and quiet enthusiasm is important.
5. Calm and Easy Going – lives life at a slower pace than most dogs and could be called lethargic or sedate. Commands should be firm but loving and lavish praise is essential. Patience and tolerance will get the job done better than harsh tones of voice and harsh corrections. No shake cans. Leash corrections in a gentle manner only as a last resort.
6. Aggressive – this unwanted behavior is primarily “Dominant” or “Fear” based. A dominant aggressive dog is frighteningly dangerous and can be menacing and controlling as they guard their territory including those who live in the same house. Don’t confuse dominant aggression with protection! Early training Is essential if behavior modification is possible. Fear aggressive dogs can be just as frightening but they are ruled by their own fears. If you know the dog is aggressive or temperament testing indicates any aggressiveness, DO NOT TEST.
   

Uncle Matty also has five tests, which I’ll link to below the descriptions..

Sociability Test | View the Results
Instructions: You and the puppy should be in a quiet area with the dog about six feet away from you while you stand or kneel. Using a high-pitched tone, whine like a puppy (make puppy noises) or talk to the puppy affectionately until you get a reaction. Reactions indicate whether or not the dog is socially acceptable and also indicates how he deals with curiosity.

Noise Response Test | View the Results
Instructions: You will need a shake can (empty soda can with a few pennies in it so it rattles when shaken). You and your puppy should be in a quiet area about six feet apart. This is a two-part test.

• Part One: shake the can vigorously behind your back. The dog should not see the can. This will reveal how the dog reacts to noise he cannot see.
• Part Two: requires that you throw the can six to ten feet away from the dog. Do not ever throw the can at the dog and never make the dog feel threatened. The dog may have a different reaction to this part of the test which will reveal more insight into his nature.

Hand-Shy Test | View the Results
Instructions: This test should not be administered if the dog has shown any aggressive behavior. This is a two-part test to determine if your dog has been hit or punished by a hand or rolled-up newspaper on any part of his body. The results of hitting can be biting. In fact, hitting abuse is one of the major causes of biting dogs. During this test, do not ever hit the dog.

• Part One: Stand one or two feet from the dog, raise your hand (with or without a newspaper) and PRETEND to hit the dog. Do not hit the dog but make the gesture seem threatening. If your dog shows immediate fear, discontinue the test immediately.
• Part Two: Stand one or two feet away from the dog and yell at him in pretend anger, “Bad dog. What did you do? No. No! Never do that again.” Try to sound convincing because if you don’t, the test is useless.

Dominant-Subordinate Test | View the Results
Instructions: Work inside or outside in a secluded area. Place puppy on his back, lying flat. Be sure he is on his spine and not on his side. Crouch over him straddling your body over his legs or if necessary, kneel beside him. The dog’s position makes him feel extremely vulnerable. With hand near the puppy’s collar, gently but firmly grab the skin under his throat for fifteen or thirty seconds only. During this time, do not respond to the dog’s reactions.

Physical Sensitivity Test | View the Results
Instructions: There are three parts to this test. Conduct this test in a quiet area – just you and your puppy, no one else. Use extreme caution if the dog is ten months old or older because bites can be very serious. Control your dog using a leash and collar. Use the fingers of the other hand to pull on the dog.

• Part One: Grab the tail and pull gently observing the dog’s reactions.
• Part Two: Using finger and thumb, press lightly between the puppy’s toes expanding them outward. Gradually increase the pressure for several seconds until the dog shows signs of discomfort.
• Part Three: Pull the dog’s skin near the rump, gently at first and then increase the pressure.

Temperament/Personality Testing is featured in Uncle Matty’s best-selling puppy book, I Just Got a Puppy. What Do I Do?.

Choosing A Puppy From A Litter

YourPurebredPuppy.com has some tips for selecting a puppy out of a litter:

“Puppies who hide or tuck their tails or shrink away from you are not safe choices as pets. Don’t try to convince yourself that you can “bring them out of their shell.” You don’t know what’s going on in these puppies’ genes. Shy puppies usually become shy dogs who may snap defensively at anything that startles them.

If the litter isn’t running away, what should they be doing? Normal puppies are friendly, curious, trusting. They mill around your feet, tug at your shoelaces, crawl into your lap, nibble on your fingers.

After a while, they may stop playing with you and begin wrestling with one another. You can tell a lot about the individual puppies by the way they interact with their littermates.

• Which ones are strong, outgoing, bossy, noisy?
• Which ones are quiet, submissive, gentle?
• Which ones grab all the toys and win the tugs-of-war?
• Which ones seem delicate or picked on?

Most families do best with a pup who is neither boss of the litter nor lowest on the totem pole. Look for good-natured, middle-of-the-road pups who don’t growl or grab or bite, but who do join in and hold their own.

Clap your hands gently, snap your fingers, jingle your car keys, shuffle your feet, whistle softly, cluck your tongue.

• Which pups are interested?
• Which ones come over to investigate?
• Which ones are apprehensive?

You want an alert and confident puppy. A nervous puppy who is afraid of sudden sounds or quick movements will not do well in a busy household. A puppy who is completely oblivious may be too dull, too independent, or unhealthy.”

Four Quick Personality Tests

AssociatedContent.com had an article called The Puppy Personality Test—How to Find the Right Dog for Your Home which had similar ideas to the above articles, but are written in a more simple, memorable fashion:

• Dominance. You can restrain a puppy on his back to test for dominance. Gently roll the puppy onto his back and hold him there for 30 seconds. A dominant puppy will spend the entire 30 seconds fighting your hand, trying to right itself. A puppy that relaxes right away, looks away, and licks your hand is showing submission. Middle-of-the-road puppies will fight for a few seconds before relaxing, not displaying dominance or submission in great amounts.

• Independence.While you have the puppies attention, walk away from him. Puppies that ignore you when you walk away, indicating that it doesn’t bother them, are likely strongly independent. A less secure puppy will follow you in a subdued manner, possibly with a drooping tail. 
• Prey drive. Use your hand or other object to tempt the puppy to perform this test. More your hand or the object along the ground in front of the puppy at an easy pace. If the puppy pounces on your hand his prey driveis fairly strong. A puppy that acts uninterested has a low prey drive. 
• Friendliness. Simple observation will tell you how friendly the puppy is toward other dogs and people. In ideal situations, the puppy will respond nicely to all the other dogs and people in the room. Behaviors that are not friendly would be showing his teeth, growling, and actively exerting dominance. Mouthing can be said to be unfriendly, but most puppies do it to some extent. It’s not necessarily a sign of an unfriendly puppy since it’s usually related to teething and being a puppy. With training, they usually grow out of the habit easily. An actively biting puppy however can cause damage as it gets older, especially depending on breed. If the dog doesn’t realize how strong his jaws are he can hurt someone.

Also, Bonnie Dalzell from NetPets.com has some tips for choosing Dogs to Match Your Lifestyle.

The cheese is so expensive because milking a moose is a pain in the ass.

“The moose only produce milk between May and September, the time from when they calve to when they are in heat again…It takes up to two hours to milk a moose and they each produce up to a gallon of milk a day,” according to the AP article.

The small farm specializing in this cheese is in Bjursholm, Sweden, 404 miles north of the capital, Stockholm. It was the only moose milkery in Europe in 2004, and it probably still is.

A fishy part of this story: the three moose that make the milk were found abandoned in the woods as calves and taken in by the farmers. So….they just happened to stumble over these money pissing cash cows?

Conspiracy theories aside I will say this: I like cheese. Cheese is good. But do I love it enough to pay $500 bucks a pound for it? No.

Wait! Maybe moose cheese is only the most expensive unprepared cheese in the world. After all some fool paid $28,000 for a 10-year-old grilled cheese with the Virgin Mary “magically” imprinted on it. That’s like 1/16th of an ounce of aged American cheese for two years of college!

As it turns out, it’s a serious chain reaction on both you and the onions part:

• You cut the onion
• You break open onion cells
• The onion cells’ enzymes decompose amino acid sulfoxides, form sulfenic acids from the onion
• All this decomposing causes gas (no, not that kind)
• The gas reacts with the moisture from your eyes
• Gas combined with eye water turns it into a mild sulfuric acid
• The sulfuric acid irritates your eyes which stimulates your nerve endings
• Your nerve endings tell your brain to produce more water to dilute the acid
• You cry

But don’t be mad, because this “volatile compound” is also why onions taste and smell so good. [source]

According to About.com, aside from wearing safety googles or running a fan, you can keep from crying by refrigerating your onion before cutting it (slows reactions and changes the chemistry inside the onion) or by cutting the onion under water.

I really wanted a “dear sister” spoof on onion cutting, but this’ll do:

Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. The most offensive sugars, known as “flatulence factors” to scientists who research farts, are raffinose, stachiose, and verbascose. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas! [source]

Well, when we eat beans, or cabbage, or any other gassy food, it all gets mushed up in our stomach and is passed into the small intestine. Now, the types of sugar found in beans are a bit big to be taken into the body through the walls of the small intestine and we have no enzyme to break them down into more manageable chunks. This means it all ends up in our large intestine where all the bacteria tuck in and start to reproduce to take best advantage of all the yummy food. [source]

Unfortunately for us, gas is produced by the bacteria during the breakdown of their dinner – carbon dioxide, hydrogen and some methane is released and escape the body via the only opening available to them. These gases don’t smell much, but methane and hydrogen do burn pretty happily, which is why farts can be set alight. However, this is NOT recommended as the gas can ignite backwards up your bum, burning all the trapped gas in your rectum and scorching you in the most painful way imaginable. Imagine having to explain that to the A & E nurse. [source]

Want to better cope with your windiness? Try these three things [source]:

1. Soak your beans in water overnight before cooking them. Discard the soaking water, rinse your beans, and cook them in fresh water.

• Take Beano. 
• Embrace your unique talent and go pro.

Aren’t you glad I asked?

“Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other and a bit of tobacco in between”.

I’m all for fire safety, with the hundreds of americans that die every year in smoking-related fires. My question is just whether or not these FSC (slang for fire safe cigarettes in “the scene”), have any kinds of side-effects. I mean, the tobacco industry has been against fire-safe cigarettes because they thought users would taste the difference, it’d cost more, etc. etc. I’m probably delisional to think that maybe they’re nervous that there’s some sort of health safety hazard going on too? Probably not though, these are tobacco companies we’re talking about.

But there’s no doubt, there is a huge buzz about these cigarettes from smokers who feel that the new paper has done a serious toll on their health. I was actually very surprised at the overwhelming majority. I’ve read that they use Asbestos as an ingredient in the new formula, but I am sure that’s just speculation. Right?

What is a fire-safe cigarette?

According to April 2006 The Boston Globe article, Building a ‘fire-safe’ cigarette, “the most common fire-safe technology used by cigarette manufacturers is to make the paper thicker in places to act as ”speed bumps” to slow down a burning cigarette. If a fire-safe cigarette is left unattended, the burning tobacco will reach an area where the paper is thicker and self-extinguish.”

Apparently, yes, they are a little more toxic..

According to the May 2006 article Where there’s smoke, there’s not always fire from the Springfield, MA newspaper The Republican, “A Harvard School of Public Health study in 2005 found that cigarettes meeting the New York standard [fire-safe] did emit slightly higher levels of toxic compounds than regular cigarettes.”

But, according to firesafecigarettes.org, a report by RJ Reynolds conducted in 1993 compared the tar per cigarette in prototype low-ignition propensity cigarettes. The report concludes: “Ames assay results were not higher for the prototype cigarettes than their respective controls, either on a revertant-per-mg-tar basis or a revertant-per-cigarette basis.”

I guess the moral of the story is.. don’t smoke? Or.. come visit me in Rhode Island, where cigarettes still burn houses, and drags still taste right.

A few options came to mind:

1. Robbery – This option poses a few problems. First of all, I don’t like stealing from regular people. If I was going to live with myself afterward, my target would have to be a major corporation, or a bank. That means when if I’m caught I’ll be up against some serious attorney who’ll be hell bent on using his huge salary to put me behind bars until 2030.

Also, I’m way too nervous for robbery. It would never work.

Well, this option seems like a bad idea!

2. Win the lottery—I could always invest in scratch tickets! As long as I choose the right ticket at the gas station, I could get 500,000,000% return on a $10 ticket. My chance is only slightly worse than 1 in eight million!

Seriously though, scratch tickets are a tax on stupidity.

3. Get onto a game show – Game shows are frequented by fools. I watched half an episode of Deal or No Deal once. This Hawaiian guy had a chance to leave the show with something like $600,000, or push his luck and go for $1,000,000. Well, as a citizen of Game Show Land, the fool decided to risk it, and ended up having to leave the show with only $300,000.

So if this guy is so dumb, and I’m so damn smart, why can’t I get onto a game show?

That’s probably because if I was offered $100,000 to forfeit the chance of winning $10 million, I’d take the hundred grand in a heartbeat—with zero hesitation. With that much money I could pay off all my debt and hire a modest stock broker.

But how the hell am I going to get on a game show? The closest I can tell is that I have to pretend to have an IQ of 50 and be very excitable.

I think I can fake this. I’m ready.

According to most of the network sites, getting onto a show usually involves making a five minute video tape, filling out an application, and sending a few photographs. If you’re selected from the masses, you’ll have to go in for an interview/audition.

Here’s the sites for the major networks:
NBC
ABC
CBS
FOX

I’m going to apply for as many shows as possible. I figure that will give me better odds than getting away with a bank robbery or winning the lottery.

So, who’s getting paid? The short answer is anyone making between $3,000 and $87,000 ($174,000 for two) who files a tax return. I think that means most of us.

The dish I particularly wanted to try tonight is the “Asian Hot Pot”. Basically, you don’t need a fondue set, you don’t even need the traditional asian hot pot. Seems like all you need is a pot and some vegetable oil. I don’t have a single electric burner that I could use on the table, so we’ll likely be dipping from the stove. But it’s ok, no need to be classy all the time.

Here’s what I learned from the Melting Pot while I was there:

• Cook beef & pork for 2.5 minutes (in boiling broth)
• Cook chicken and duck for 2 minutes (in boiling broth)
• Cook shrimp and other seafood about 1 minute (in boiling broth)
• Cook potstickers, and stuff like that about 30 seconds, just to heat up
• Cook in vegetable broth, you can add any veggies for flavor
• Make sure the broth is boiling before you start, or your food will be sitting for a while!
• Have a good collection of sauces for all your different types of food

Here are a few VERY HELPFUL tips from About.com’s article, Twenty-Five Tips for Cooking Hot Pot:

• Don’t feel you need to purchase an authentic Asian Hot Pot (also called a firepot) to enjoy this popular dish. Aluminum, stainless steel, and electric fondue pots can all be used for hot pot cooking.

• Plan on having no more than four diners at an average sized fondue pot, and six for larger Asian hot pots and electric fondue pots. Too many diners sharing one pot leads to spills, crossed dipping forks, and longer cooking times.
• When preparing Asian fondue, a general rule of thumb is to have bland broth and spicy dips. This allows guests to season the food according to their own tastes.
• Plan on serving approximately at least four dips, with 1/2 cup of each type of dipping sauce.
• For easy dipping, keep the fondue pot approximately 2/3 full. (The total amount of broth needed will depend on the size of your fondue pot).

Anyone else hungry?

I was afraid this entry might look like an ad for Bally, but I’m kind of appalled at how far from it, this turned out to be.

So I’ve been looking around at gyms, but the only ones close to me are Curves and Bally. My mom went to Curves for a few months and lost some weight, but it was after she left Curves and started taking classes as a gym near her house that she dropped like 100lbs.

So I’m thinking Bally, but I feel like I’ve heard some crap about them, so I decided to do my research.

You can get a free 7-day pass, and a $19 30-day trial to their “weight watchers online”-esque website.

This was one thing I felt I should put upfront because I read it in almost every review:
In order to cancel your membership, you must call the corporate office, you cannot do it on the spot. In addition, you must complete the following tasks BEFORE you can even “apply” to cancel: You must have taken a “complimentary” tour with a trainer, visited at least 12 times over the last 30 days, and pay the first month dues before you can cancel. I’m sorry but this seems a little ridiculous, no?

Here are some keynotes from users:

• (-) This depends on location, but many users felt that the equipment was old and dirty
• (-) Many users felt the staff was unfriendly and rude
• (-) Most users felt that they were lied to during their sign up
• (-) Most users had extreme difficulty in canceling their membership
• (-) There are a LOT of people who have actually sued Bally
• (-) Many users complain of excessive cancelled classes
• (+) Many users like their classes
• (-) All Bally employees I read in the reviews warn users not to join this gym

But of course, you never know if only angry people surf the web and leave reviews, so I looked up some expert reviews, but couldn’t find much. In fact, I found so many negative reviews that I needed to switch from “bally total fitness reviews” to “GOOD bally total fitness reviews” with not much luck.

I’d like to say that I will do the 7-day trial just to check it out, but I read so many angry reviews that Bally denied them from cancelling their membership after the trial saying that the “reason for cancellation” wasn’t valid. Oi.